Sleep Attacks: Neural Dysfunction, Entities, or Something of Both?

The "hag attack" is a fairly common, uncomfortable and frightening occurrence wherein the sufferer cannot move and feels as if something is holding him/her prisoner.

While something of this phenomenon can be explained away by waking up during the portion of sleep when the body is paralyzed, I think it is short-sighted to completely dismiss the idea of attacking entities.

I have suffered from waking during the paralyzed portion of sleep since I was in my teens. This is, in retrospect, also when my bipolar disorder onset, so I am not sure if there is any correlation there.

Much of the time, the sensations that I suffer can be explained away by the physical phenomenon of waking while still paralyzed. However, I have also had experiences which lead me to believe that at least some of the time, there is an attacking entity. There have been times when an entity has temporarily entered my body, and I will speak bizarre words in a distorted voice much deeper than my own.

I know that what I am describing cannot be validated by current scientific methods. But I feel that a true scientist takes all possibilities into account, rather than pooh-poohing away any idea not in keeping with present conventional wisdom.

Things I Love and Things I Can't Fucking Stand

I'm working on a story dedicated to one of my writing sisters who is going through a really hard time. I love you, Cie!

The following paragraph isn't about Cie, except that someone who does drugs has brought misery into her life, which she really didn't need.

This photo was found here. It shows the effects of doing hard drugs. This is the same person in all of these photos.

I can't fucking stand what drugs do to people. They take someone who might otherwise be a decent to okay person and turn them into a fucking monster. I don't hate people who take drugs, I hate the drugs themselves. I hate what the drugs turn people into. Also if you want to start looking old and tore up real quick, do drugs. I've seen drugs destroy so many lives. I'm actually not talking about weed here, although too much weed can screw up a person's life too. I'm talking about drugs like cocaine, heroin and meth. An excess of alcohol can do it too. I've seen all of these things tear up people's lives.

For Cie, I want to tell her that it isn't her fault, you can't stop another person from doing things that they are determined to do. I also want to say THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING DIFFERENT! People need to stop trying to make other people into carbon copies. My friend thinks a little differently and she reached out to others for help. Mostly what it got her was a shit ton of criticism and misery.

Most people aren't on your side. It's rare to find someone who is.

We'll get through. You've got at least one friend. Old Wicked Wanda is still here. Don't change you. I wish you could see you the way I do. You'd see a pretty cool person.

 

Beyond Abnormal

Stolen Sunday Steals: The Imaginary Meme, Part 5

I'm stealing the meme, and this beautiful picture, from a blog called. Sunday Stealing. Now, oh excitement unbridled, you can get to know more about me!

 

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Five

81. What’s your favorite action movie?

I think of it more as a horror/sci-fi movie, but Aliens has plenty of action and it's one of my favorite movies. Right now I've been one of the Writing Sisters helping the madcap Cie Cheesemeister get back in the game. She's been creating this absolutely over-the-top insane, funny fanfic that only the craziest folks could get into. It's a blend of the characters from her universe, the Aliens characters, and a whole bunch of other funny shit. Must be seen to be believed!

I'm a little reluctant to share the link with the Blogiverse at large, because the Cheesemeister is finally coming out of her shell after hiding away for a long time. (The story is on a hidden blog.) She was hurt very badly and is still vulnerable. Therefore, if you are a cool person who can live and let live and if you don't like it will simply leave it alone, but if you do like it will sing its praises to her, I'll give you the URL. 

If, on the other hand, I really can't get a "vibe" from you or I get a bad one because you seem to be a potential troll, no dice.

I've learned that sometimes I have to be a bitch to keep things rolling smooth. I don't let vermin into my house or my family and friends' houses.

82. Have (or are) you ever been involved someone much older than you?

Fifteen years older. I was 30, he was 45. It didn't end well, but we were able to be friends later.

83. Do you believe in lust at first sight?

Yes, but acting on it tends to be a bad idea.

84. Favorite type of venomous snake?

I really dig all snakes. I just don't think it's a good idea to touch the venomous ones. Kind of like it's a good idea not to act on lust at first sight.

85. Do you drink alcohol?  

Not at all any more, but when I was younger I drank a lifetime supply.

86. If you wanted to talk to someone who'd lift your spirits, who'd you call?

My son, I imagine. If I call my mother, it's to try and lift her spirits. She tends to be very critical, and that ends up leaving me depressed.

87. What do you wear to feel sexy?

I haven't been sexually active for the better part of 15 years. I am not sexy. I don't care about feeling sexy.

88. Do you like to learn?

If it's stuff I really want to learn about. I believe in lifetime learning.

89. Have you ever been hit on by someone who really overestimated their attractiveness?

Yes. And once I was hit on by someone who really overestimated his penis size. He told me he was most manfully endowed, and proceeded to show me even though I said I really didn't want to see it. It was not impressive.

90. Where did you last go on vacation?

Arizona, to visit my brother. This was in 2003.

91. Dallas (as in J.R. & Bobby) returns this week. What film or TV series would you loved to be resurrected?

None of them. The remakes are never as good.

92. Explain your karma beliefs.

Basically, what goes around will eventually come around. Although karma is actually more complex than this. There's karma that can be brought on you by your actions, karma that can be brought on you by your thoughts, and sometimes shit happens because you get caught in someone else's karma. There's personal karma, there's the karma of the human race, and the karma of the planet itself. But in brief, what goes around comes around. So don't fuck with other people. Being a dick is never cool.

93. When do you think that you have a hard life?

Whenever I look in the mirror and see this haggard, tired face. Whenever I look into my heart and feel the pain of loss and disappointment. Whenever I look at my bank account and feel that I will never have enough money to have a decent life.

94. Favorite comic strip?

Hell, I don't know. But I do like reading the Comics Curmudgeon website.

95. Have you ever broken a heart?

Inadvertently. I was just getting out of a bad relationship when a friend of mine decided it was time to make his move. It was not time to make his move. He was a shy, awkward fellow with a hefty build. Of course he thought that I was turning him down because of his size. That had nothing to do with it. I did not want to get involved again that soon, and my last relationship had been really, really bad.

Sadly, this put a strain on the friendship, and we ended up losing touch.

96. Should pot be legalized?

Yes. I do not partake of it myself, but it is no worse than alcohol. Utilize the same laws that are used with alcohol.

Medical marijuana should be treated more stringently than recreational marijuana. It needs to have a certain level of purity to be truly therapeutic. 

97. Have you ever gone skinny dipping with someone that you shouldn't have?

Nope. 

98. What do you do when you're down?

Pretty much the same things as I do when I'm up, except I sleep a lot more. Being bipolar, I actually do have up and down cycles. I rapid cycle, so I experience every cycle for about a week to ten days out of every month. I'm just coming off a high cycle and seem to be going into a low cycle. Hopefully it won't be a very bad one.

99. Last time you were really angry?

Last July. I still hope that the two fucking backstabbing horse's asses that made me so angry burn in hell. I'll provide the starter fluid for the barbecue.

100. What is your favorite flavor in general?

 Chocolate

 

Me too, George

In a Nutshell

The Truth about Bad Experiences

When you're down and someone whips out the "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" cliche, do you want to strangle them and then jump up and down on their corpse?

Social Phobia

I hate summer. Yes, you heard me right. I hate the heat, and I hate the fact that there are always people outside when I want to go somewhere. My neighbors are not bad people. I get along all right with them. But when I'm trying to leave the house and there's herds of wild kids on the lawn between our two units, I sometimes get uncomfortable. I can't walk during the day, because there's always some fool who has to cat-call. Because middle aged fat women aren't allowed to want a bit of exercise. We need to stay unside until we are aesthetically pleasing to the eye of the common buffoon. And then we will be made to feel uncomfortable when they make sexual suggestions to us.

So yes, fuck you, Summer. You're like one of those beautiful, energetic, self-centered, horribly annoying frenemies. "Look at me, look at meeeeee! Let's get this party started!" you crow.

"Fuck off and die," I mumble.

I sigh and try to calm the cramps in my stomach as I make my way outdoors, forcing myself to be polite when the children greet me with a high pitched "HIIIIII!"

Social anxiety sucks.

Here's Summer

"Oh, hieeeeee! Are you ready to get this party started?" 

Whatever You Have To Do To Survive

I get so pissed at people who get on their high horse and say "dissociative identity disorder doesn't exist, these people are just attention seekers."

These types also say things like "bipolar disorder is the diagnosis du jour" and "Asperger's syndrome is a copout for being antisocial."

They probably also believe that all fat people are lazy slobs who sit around shoveling bucket after bucket of KFC into their cavernous maws while watching reality TV.

Everybody is just trying to get by. Nasty, judgmental people do not make the hard life that most of lead any easier.

Suicide Season

Check out Bring Me The Horizon – Suicide Season http://www.last.fm/music/Bring+Me+The+Horizon/_/Suicide+Season via @lastfm

Truth is, every damn season on this planet is suicide season, especially when you live with a mood disorder. It's a day to day thing. Some days I have to try harder than others not to give in to suicide ideation.

Picture by George Grie, found on this page.