Silly Sunday: Fits for Bipolar As Well

Long as you can keep on keeping on, sometimes the best thing to do is laugh at the effed-up hand you've been dealt. I know that's what I like to do whenever possible!

Bipolar disorder messed up my life in a lot of ways before I learned how to manage it.

I'll never be normal, but, meh, normal's overrated!

Stay silly, y'all.

~DJ Rose~

A to Z Blogging Challenge: M is for Music and Mental Illness

A to Z Blogging Challenge: 

M is for Music and Mental Illness

by

Illsa Gorrey

Hello, everybody. This is going to get kind of ranty, so before I start, I'll just say this. Anyone who reads the Undead in the Netherworld blog consistently knows that we utilize music a fair bit on our posts. You will also notice that a lot of the soundtrack music is hard rock and metal. That's because our stories are more metal than everybody's! ;-)

Winky face so nobody gets all butt hurt and bent out of shape. 

KHEL 666 is our Multimedia blog, so we feature a lot of music there. A lot of that is hard rock and metal too.

We sometimes use music to drive a point home or to illustrate what we're feeling on Crazy Town in Looney Land (one of our Dropout Loser Quitter Blogs that didn't finish the A-Z Challenge.)

We might feature music occasionally on Poetry of the Netherworld. Because music is, after all, poetry in an instrumental setting.

This entry is going to be cross-posted over all of those blogs. Lazy? Whatever. We have other projects and problems. Sometimes we get lazy.

So before I start the rant, here is a playlist of relaxing music. This is the kind of music we listen to while editing, trying to meditate, or just because. We're eclectic here.

"You sound angry, Illsa. So you're not going to whip out the Death Metal on our asses?"

Nope. Not today.

Everyone involved with this series of blogs has a mental illness of one variety or another. Most of the participants have bipolar disorder. We met culling through mental health sites and found each other. Not all of our team members participate in the blogs very often. We have kind of a core group who are frequent participants. You'll see a lot of Tempest, a fair bit of me and Lily. Opal has been fairly active this month as well. Cie Cheesemeister is generally in the background, editing or creating her photoshop images. She doesn't directly post very often these days.

We are all broken people. We are not your happy go lucky chasing dreams and love types. That ship done sailed long ago, that train done left town. We are older, we have been abused, we realize that dreams don't tend to come true for people like us. We're waiting to die, we're just trying to make it more interesting while we wait.

I have discovered that I really hate certain words. Don't give me the "they're just words" schpiel. Let me call you a cuntbag and tell you "it's just a word." But think for a minute what your immediate reaction to being called a cuntbag is. Yeah, words have power. It's one of the reasons why bullying is so destructive. So let's put the "they're just words" bit to rest right now.

"Lazy" is a word that I hate.

I used to apply it to myself, anytime I was lying around so inert that I could barely get up to do anything. "Get up you lazy, stupid bitch! Get up!" 

I was experiencing severe depression. I knew I was sad and miserable and had "no reason to be." I should have been able to "just get up." Or so I was told.

"Loser" is a word that I hate.

Many people are unable to become successful in life. There is too much onus placed on being some sort of superstar. Not being able to achieve a certain measure of success does not make a person a loser. I think there are plenty of really talented people who never become successful or famous.

"Quitter" is another word that I don't like.

People quit things for a variety of reasons. Maybe they give up too soon, but branding them with a label is never good. Many people have enough negative labels applied to them. Perhaps more like negative millstones. I know that all the negative terms that come to mind for myself weigh heavy on me.

Our M of the day is Music and Mental Illness and an admonition to put yourself in someone else's shoes before you apply a label to them.

Peace.

Flash Friday 55: Sleep Pod

Sometimes hope flies away on ghostly butterfly wings, which have been crushed multiple times.

I want to fly away with hope.

To cocoon myself until it's safe to wake up

And be who I really am.

But I don't think that will ever happen.

Eveyone likes clowns.

No one likes the freak behind the mask.

 

Share your stuff here if you want. It's a writing game by a fellow by the name of G Man, and he does it every Friday.

 

Cross-posted to:

KHEL 666

Torrid Tempest

Undead in the Netherworld

 

Note:

I don't really want to come off as an asshole to people who may be "meeting" me for the first time, but the first one who tells me I "need to be on meds" needs to go jump off a cliff. I've been bipolar probably since I was 10 years old, though I wasn't diagnosed until I was 38. I don't need any armchair psychologists trying to analyze me when I'm expressing myself during what happens to be a drop on the mood disorder roller coaster, thank you very much.

To those who might have appreciated the work, sorry for the defensiveness. It's something that I've unfortunately become rather accustomed to.

 

Favorite Musicians of the Netherworld: Bon Scott

9 July 1946 – 19 February 1980

I was just 15 years old when Bon Scott died. It devastated me. AC/DC was my favorite band, and let me confess a little something to you. I loved Bon. Yeah, I know how cheesy that sounds, but I did.

Talk about a match that never would have worked out in reality, that would have been it. But I loved him anyway. I had always been a good Catholic girl, but when I hit my teens, I started to go a little wild.

I wasn't wild with boys, contrary to popular rumors that I had eight abortions by the time I was fourteen. No, seriously, that was a rumor spreading around about me. I don't know how it started, because I was incredibly naïve about sex. I thought a blow job was blowing in someone's ear, and I wondered why the hell anyone would find that activity enjoyable.

I knew how babies were made, but I was scared to death of doing the act that made babies. I didn't want a baby, and I had heard that it hurt like hell to have sex the first time. (At this point I still believed that pain with sex for women was because of Eve and the original sin, and I hated the bitch for it. What I didn't admit was that I was also pissed off at God for being such a douchebag as to do this to women because of Eve being an asshole. Believe me, I was very indoctrinated.) Nonetheless, I did daydream about doing said act with Bon Scott, and I figured I was going to hell, but I liked him (and AC/DC's music) so much that I figured my immortal soul was a small price to pay.

When I found out that Bon had died, I walked through the little Peyton Place town that was home to me and my misery, feeling terribly lost. Nobody in that town understood me. My parents didn't understand me either. I felt like I was an alien who had been lost from another planet and ended up in this fucking miserable place. I was very bullied and very lonely, and I felt like I'd just lost the love of my life. Well, I had, though he didn't know he was.

Bon was known as a nice guy, even if he was a bit of a randy sort. I would dream about him sometimes. I like to think that maybe he felt a little sympathy for a silly, unhappy girl who had a huge crush on him. Maybe he wanted to show me that I had a friend after all. Who knows. The older I get, the less I know.

Though Brian Johnson is fabulous and I can't imagine anyone else filling Bon's shoes, there will never be another Bon Scott. He was one of those people that just can't be imitated. I think one reason Brian worked out so well is because he wasn't trying to imitate Bon. He was just trying to do the best damn job he could.

Brian believes that Bon came to him one night in spirit and stayed for about an hour, helping him finish the songs he was struggling to write. He has said that he doesn't like to talk about this much, because people think he's crazy when he tells this tale. I don't. But I am kinda crazy.

So today, if we'll have a moment of silence for...

Nah, that's not the way we do it in the Netherworld!

If we'll turn it up to 666 and drive down the Highway to Hell, that's the way to honor Bon Scott in a fitting way!

Ronald Belford Scott: Never imitated, never forgotten. Rock in peace!

Federacja- gadanie stracha na wróble

I think my foul mood is turning around. Even though I can't understand a word of it, playing songs from Poland has raised my spirits. Whatever gets you through, that's what I say! So long as it isn't hurting anyone else.

Blast Off!

Hi there, fellow geeks and geekettes! My Posterous blog has just launched, and now I'm part of the Writing Sisters in Space! I'm also part of the KHEL 666 team, the greatest online "radio" blog and page.

I seem to be coming out of a period of bipolar mania where I really could not accomplish anything of worth because my mind was all over the place. People who don't have bipolar think that mania would be fun. Nothing is further from the truth. Mania sucks just as much as depression in its own peculiar way. Either one can make it very hard to be productive.

My plans for the day involve a brief morning hike, and then maybe, at last, some writing that doesn't sound like complete gobbledygook.

To infinity and beyond!

Finally--the Beat is Back!

Khel 666 Kidz, we got the Tunes! Going with a little experimental/alternative/progressive. Hating this mixed state that I'm in, but maybe you'll like the mix that I play.

Follow our blog or our Facebook page, if you care to.

Image found here.

I also have rapid cycling type II bipolar, in case anyone wondered. The mixed state was triggered by a mix of emotions that I would have trouble explaining, because people would tell me "just don't feel that way."

Chillin' Like A Hypomanic Villain

Greetings, KHEL 666 Krazies! I really loved the Smooth Jazz theme that my writing sis, H.P. LIebekraft was rolling with the other night, and I wanna get that going on again. You can follow along on our blog or on our Facebook page, should you care to.

I have been crazy creative lately, but it's hard to focus. I wish I could turn up the creativity without turning up the restlessness. It's been hard to sleep.

Stolen Sunday Steals: The Imaginary Meme, Part 5

I'm stealing the meme, and this beautiful picture, from a blog called. Sunday Stealing. Now, oh excitement unbridled, you can get to know more about me!

 

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Five

81. What’s your favorite action movie?

I think of it more as a horror/sci-fi movie, but Aliens has plenty of action and it's one of my favorite movies. Right now I've been one of the Writing Sisters helping the madcap Cie Cheesemeister get back in the game. She's been creating this absolutely over-the-top insane, funny fanfic that only the craziest folks could get into. It's a blend of the characters from her universe, the Aliens characters, and a whole bunch of other funny shit. Must be seen to be believed!

I'm a little reluctant to share the link with the Blogiverse at large, because the Cheesemeister is finally coming out of her shell after hiding away for a long time. (The story is on a hidden blog.) She was hurt very badly and is still vulnerable. Therefore, if you are a cool person who can live and let live and if you don't like it will simply leave it alone, but if you do like it will sing its praises to her, I'll give you the URL. 

If, on the other hand, I really can't get a "vibe" from you or I get a bad one because you seem to be a potential troll, no dice.

I've learned that sometimes I have to be a bitch to keep things rolling smooth. I don't let vermin into my house or my family and friends' houses.

82. Have (or are) you ever been involved someone much older than you?

Fifteen years older. I was 30, he was 45. It didn't end well, but we were able to be friends later.

83. Do you believe in lust at first sight?

Yes, but acting on it tends to be a bad idea.

84. Favorite type of venomous snake?

I really dig all snakes. I just don't think it's a good idea to touch the venomous ones. Kind of like it's a good idea not to act on lust at first sight.

85. Do you drink alcohol?  

Not at all any more, but when I was younger I drank a lifetime supply.

86. If you wanted to talk to someone who'd lift your spirits, who'd you call?

My son, I imagine. If I call my mother, it's to try and lift her spirits. She tends to be very critical, and that ends up leaving me depressed.

87. What do you wear to feel sexy?

I haven't been sexually active for the better part of 15 years. I am not sexy. I don't care about feeling sexy.

88. Do you like to learn?

If it's stuff I really want to learn about. I believe in lifetime learning.

89. Have you ever been hit on by someone who really overestimated their attractiveness?

Yes. And once I was hit on by someone who really overestimated his penis size. He told me he was most manfully endowed, and proceeded to show me even though I said I really didn't want to see it. It was not impressive.

90. Where did you last go on vacation?

Arizona, to visit my brother. This was in 2003.

91. Dallas (as in J.R. & Bobby) returns this week. What film or TV series would you loved to be resurrected?

None of them. The remakes are never as good.

92. Explain your karma beliefs.

Basically, what goes around will eventually come around. Although karma is actually more complex than this. There's karma that can be brought on you by your actions, karma that can be brought on you by your thoughts, and sometimes shit happens because you get caught in someone else's karma. There's personal karma, there's the karma of the human race, and the karma of the planet itself. But in brief, what goes around comes around. So don't fuck with other people. Being a dick is never cool.

93. When do you think that you have a hard life?

Whenever I look in the mirror and see this haggard, tired face. Whenever I look into my heart and feel the pain of loss and disappointment. Whenever I look at my bank account and feel that I will never have enough money to have a decent life.

94. Favorite comic strip?

Hell, I don't know. But I do like reading the Comics Curmudgeon website.

95. Have you ever broken a heart?

Inadvertently. I was just getting out of a bad relationship when a friend of mine decided it was time to make his move. It was not time to make his move. He was a shy, awkward fellow with a hefty build. Of course he thought that I was turning him down because of his size. That had nothing to do with it. I did not want to get involved again that soon, and my last relationship had been really, really bad.

Sadly, this put a strain on the friendship, and we ended up losing touch.

96. Should pot be legalized?

Yes. I do not partake of it myself, but it is no worse than alcohol. Utilize the same laws that are used with alcohol.

Medical marijuana should be treated more stringently than recreational marijuana. It needs to have a certain level of purity to be truly therapeutic. 

97. Have you ever gone skinny dipping with someone that you shouldn't have?

Nope. 

98. What do you do when you're down?

Pretty much the same things as I do when I'm up, except I sleep a lot more. Being bipolar, I actually do have up and down cycles. I rapid cycle, so I experience every cycle for about a week to ten days out of every month. I'm just coming off a high cycle and seem to be going into a low cycle. Hopefully it won't be a very bad one.

99. Last time you were really angry?

Last July. I still hope that the two fucking backstabbing horse's asses that made me so angry burn in hell. I'll provide the starter fluid for the barbecue.

100. What is your favorite flavor in general?

 Chocolate