I know everyone is sick to death of hearing me talk about why this man means so much to me and why his horrifying illness is so devastating to me.
A fuck I don't give. I will speak of it until eternity if I want to.
Ah, your unsolicited opinion regarding the things I care about?
Still looking...
The
Daily Post asked me who my hero is. Actually, I have a few, but this one goes way back.
"But Cheese," you might say. "That dude totally does not look heroic. He's really low key. Heroes should dazzle!"
He does. He's just not flashy.
However, even though the music was the first thing I noticed, this isn't why he's my hero. A lot of people are musically talented (although this not flashy musician was kind of special.) That makes them admirable, but it doesn't make them heroes.
It's when I found out about the people behind the music that they became my heroes.
I was one of Those People.
I was one of those people that other people put down to try and make themselves feel big.
I was ugly, or at least that's what I heard all the time.
So I deserved to be picked on.
So it was said.
I hated myself.
But I loved music.
I loved the raw power of this new music that I'd just found out about.
When I found out about the musicians behind it...
I knew they were making the music for people like me.
They didn't give a fuck about appealing to the cool crowd. They weren't part of the cool crowd. They'd probably been ostracized by the cool crowd, just like I had.
They didn't approve of being shitty to people who didn't fit in, I could tell that. These guys weren't some trend, they were real.
Someone like me really needed to know that people like this existed. People who would have been nice to me, even though I wasn't part of the Cool Crowd. People who would have told the people who were bullying me to go fuck themselves.
Gettin' it done low budget pre-MTV style.
"Well, that's all very nice, Cheese," you might say. "But you're a heterosexual female, and I guess the little guy has kind of a cute face, but a woman needs a real Manly Man to be her hero, and this dude looks like he'd blow away in a strong breeze. A hero should look something like this and make all the ladies swoon!"
Well, ya know, who doesn't love them some Val Hallen? But what makes a person truly heroic is strength of character, not muscles or epic hair. Now, Val is a nice guy, and he does have strength of character, so I guess that makes him something of a hero. Still, I want to talk about why the little guy is my hero even though he doesn't look like one.
For someone living with mental illness, he was something of a role model. He was very shy, but bravely went into a career which meant being in the spotlight a lot of the time even though he was uncomfortable with being scrutinized. He struggled with depression and managed to overcome alcohol addiction in spite of the fact that without alcohol he would no longer have the ability to have a shot of Sociability.
He was known for being self-sacrificing, and even when he became extremely ill he didn't want to burden others with his problems. He was more concerned with the effect his illness would have on other people than with the effect it was having on him.
That he no longer knows what he did during his remarkable life, who the people he loves the most are, or even who he is breaks my heart in a million pieces. I will never forget him or what he did for a badly bullied, mentally ill girl through his music.
You are my hero, Malcolm Young. I love you. I don't care how saying that makes me look in the eyes of those who are concerned with keeping up appearances. You taught me not to give a fuck about those who look down their nose at those of us who are different. I know you struggled with some of the same things I struggle with. I think you were and are beautiful both inside and out. You are always in my heart.
Love always,
Cie
