The other day I found a narrative on Tumblr which went a little bit something like this:
Me: "OMG 70 year old musicians are so hawt!"
My Parents: "Pervert!"
Me: "I would so bang Mick Jagger!"
My Friends: "Pervert!"
Me: "Old musicians are the sexiest!"
Society: "Pervert!"
Tumblr: "OMG, UR SO RIGHT!!!! LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT!!!!"
My problem with this is not what you might think.
Little girl, I don't think you're a pervert. My problem isn't with you being such a (tee hee) naughty little girl lusting after "old men," because the truth is, if any of the well seasoned chaps you claim to have such lust for hit on you in real life, you'd run the mile. We both know it.
My problem with this trend can be filed in the "I don't like objectification" files.
Granted, these men are never going to be harmed by objectification from a handful of teenage girls who will grow out of it the way women are harmed by objectification every day and in multiple ways. However, objectification is always dehumanizing. So, let's talk about that.
As a heterosexual female (cis woman), unless I'm going to Lilith Faire, chances are the band I'm seeing is going to be mostly or all male, and chances are I'm going to find one or more of these men attractive. It is what it is.
However, if I'm spending the entire time shrieking about how much lust I have for Willie Nelson or Johnny Van Zant or Bruce Dickinson or Chris Isaak or Vince Neil or you name him, I am not appreciating the music, I just look like a fucking idiot.
It's one thing to acknowledge that, say, Tommy Lee, is an attractive man. It's quite another to dedicate your entire website to your (let's say) Motley Crue masturbational fantasies, even if those fantasies are as brief as the example below.
"OMG You Guys! I would totally do Nikki and Vince at the same time!"
Motley Crue (as an example) gave us close to 40 years of great music. The music, not their perceived hotness, should be the focus. If it isn't, you're doing it wrong.
When I was in high school, I had a friend who was deeply fascinated with Jim Morrison. All you had to do was say "Jim Morrison," and you could get Kris talking for hours. Kris really did not have an off switch where Jim Morrison was concerned. However, I never found her fascination bothersome or gauche. I knew she found Jim attractive, but this really was never the focus of the conversation. It would be "Cie, listen to what Jim was saying in this poem," or "I love the lyrics here because..."
Kris had deep reverence for Jim Morrison, and, more importantly, for Jim Morrison's works. Jim Morrison was not a piece of ass to her. Such a suggestion would have enraged her. Were blogs a thing back in our day, I'm sure she would have had one devoted to Jim, and I would have enjoyed visiting it.
Unlike, say, finding something like this:
"You Guys, Ray Manzarek is totally the hottest piece of ass ever! I would so do him!"
Now we're approaching a whole 'nother level of Things Just Not To Do, considering that Ray Manzarek is no longer part of this mortal coil, having passed away after a battle with cancer. Honest, Ray, it isn't me saying those things. Much respect, I promise!
Let's step away from the Classic Rock genre for a minute. In fact, let's step away from music entirely. We're going to use a whole 'nother example.
As someone who enjoys writing horror and science fiction, I have a certain set of heroes. Let's just say that instead of appreciating the talent they brought to this world, I were to devote a website to saying things like this:
"You Guys, Dylan Thomas was a total babe! Just look at those eyes! He's hot!"
"Civil War Era Ambrose Bierce was smokin'! Damn but I'd get with that!"
"H.P. Lovecraft totes had Specs Appeal! What a hottie!"
"I would so like to push that typewriter off the desk and push Rod Serling down on it and have my way with him! Yeah Baby!"
"Stephen King is just so doable! Am I right, you guys???"
You see what I did there? I erased all of the accomplishments of these great writers and reduced them to eye candy. I don't think that's cool, and I hope you don't either.
Did you think that was ridiculous? I really hope you did, because it
was. However, I also hope maybe it helped me get my point across.
Let's return now to our classic rock musicians.
I'm closer in age to said classic rock musicians than the majority of those blogging about their lustworthiness are. So, perhaps I can shed some perspective about some of the things that start happening to those of us who have passed the "50" mile marker.
We're (hopefully) a little wiser. We've seen some shit, and we may be a lot sadder because we've lost some key people and we'll lose more. Things are starting to go awry with our bodies. The spirit may be willing, but the flesh more likely than not just wants to take a nap.
Ageism is wrong. Saying that a person "shouldn't" get up on stage and play music because they don't look "hot" in skin tight Spandex trousers any more is bullshit. If they can play and they want to play, fucking play on! I don't give a shit if your wrinkled skin sags down to your shoes and you're wearing a fucking burlap tent! Music is not about what a person looks like, and there is no age limit on performing. If you can do it and you want to do it, play the fuck on, and fly the middle finger to the ageist asshats.
That being said, I find it disrespectful to reduce ANYBODY to a piece of ass. Yes, I find something distasteful about young girls reducing men old enough to be their grandfathers to pieces of ass. Generally, their decision is made based on photos that are thirty, forty, even fifty years old.
Perhaps I should write the whole thing off as a harmless expression of teenage hormones, but I return to the point: I do not find objectification harmless.
I find it particularly distasteful when the subject of these lusts is someone who is not doing well. Honestly, have some fucking respect.
This is not a "hot piece of ass." This is a man who was a great musical innovator, who is dying slowly of a horrible disease that is adding insult to injury by robbing him of his mind as well as his physical abilities.
This is not a "hot piece of ass." This is a brilliant and talented showman who recently passed away after a brave battle with cancer.
Even the Lizard King is not a mere "hot piece of ass." He was one of the greatest rock poets who ever lived. He was a troubled soul who died prematurely. If you are missing the nuances of Jim Morrison's personality in favor of gushing over how "hot" he was, you are missing the point and doing him a great disservice.
I can't pin all the blame on young people. People in general in modern society seem to know nothing of nuances. Everyone thinks with their root chakras, and the result is banal.
It isn't that it's wrong to find someone attractive. The problem is going with the root chakra response every time, giving no thought to the matter. An occasional "Wow, Mick Jagger sure looked sexy in this picture" is not problematic. The problem is when every picture posted proclaims the sexiness of the subject and never goes deeper or bothers to appreciate the craft these people spent a lifetime honing.
If I went with my root chakra response every time, I'd have a blog full of crappy posts about how I want to fuck the entire Colorado Avalanche hockey team, plus most of the musicians in the classic rock genre, a bunch of actors, and my favorite authors. It would be crude, lacking in subtlety, and a crap read. In truth, it tends to be better to keep the root chakra response to oneself, or at least on the down-low, just between you and your closest buds. Going public with that shit is embarrassing.
I liken this sort of blogging to a group of musicians going onstage without bothering to tune their instruments and just banging out whatever comes to mind without bothering to listen to each other. It isn't something to be proud of.
I wouldn't really have anything to say about it if the people making these blogs didn't claim to be fans of the musicians whose forty year old pictures they're drooling over. If all you're doing is sharing what you consider to be "hot" pictures and you're honest about that, there's not much to be said. However, if you claim to be a fan and you know nothing about the music, but Keith Richards sure looked sexy in 1972, you aren't a fan, you're lusting over an image. At least have the wherewithal to know the difference.
I think some parting words from the late Lemmy Kilmister are appropriate here.
When asked if it was possible to work with someone you found attractive without objectifying them, Lemmy said "well, why can't you?"
Just a little food for thought.
~The Cheese Hath Grated It~
