Hi, I'm Faycin

I'm just one tiny speck of dust in the Universe.

I'm trying to realize that every speck of dust deserves good things.

I don't like that some specks of dust think that it's okay to treat other specks of dust badly based on their physical appearance or mental problems.

I am mentally ill. I have bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. My OCD partially manifests as hoarding. I don't hoard animals, I hoard items. I have a private blog about my struggles with hoarding. I do not give the URL to just anybody. If I am ever able to get my place into passable shape, as I am struggling to do, I will publish the results as a book. My little camera takes great pictures but it's a battery hog. I need a backup battery and to see if there's some kind of charger for those little flat batteries.

I am fiftyish years old and most of my life has been a lot of pain and struggle. It shouldn't have to be this way. So if you are the kind of person who comes along and starts making it that way for me, fuck you, you are out. I don't have to put up with your shit. I've put up with way too much shit from way too many psychic vampires already.

I write stuff, both mental health and size acceptance related blog posts, and also fiction. I am a political and religious liberal. I don't like zealots of any kind, and that includes the type of atheist zealot who thinks it's okay to belittle others for having spiritual beliefs. I can accept where atheists are coming from, I just don't like the type who think they're superior for having no spiritual beliefs. Since none of us know for sure, then fuck you if you don't think I have the right to speculate. I don't go around forcing my esoteric agnosticism down your throat. Don't shove your fundamentalist Christianity, extremist Islam, or acerbic Atheism down mine. Or if you're one of those Satanists who is like "fuck you, I'm so cool because I'm a Satanist and you are so inferior," you can fuck off as well. You're nothing but a prat and I don't have the time to waste on you.

I'm also a KHEL 666 DJ. The pay is terrible but everything else about it is really cool.

KHEL 666 Blog

KHEL 666 Facebook Page

Hope to have a few saying hello, but even if you don't, I'll keep doing this anyway.

XOXO,

Faycin

Hi Dumplings, It's Me on Posterous

The girls (my writing sisters) have been at me to start one of these Posterous blogs. Today seemed like a good time to do so.'

Thank you to my lovely Writing Sister Tempest LeTrope for her condolences regarding my dad's death. He passed away last night at 9:51 P.M. He had been struggling after having a massive heart attack on Valentine's Day. Just two days before my middle sister's birthday, which is really harsh. He was 79 years old.

I'm mucking about on the Internet for a while, kind of in shock, trying to pretend things are normal, misspelling every other word. I didn't sleep well last night. So here I am, creating this new blog in the most fucking faggoty colors I could possibly choose, because nothing bolsters my spirits more than pissing off homophobes. Even if no homophobes ever end up reading this blog, the idea that they might see it in all it's pink glory gives me a nasty little zing of glee.

I'll probably talk about my dad here. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but actually, he wasn't a homophobe. He was just super pragmatic and practical, and being gay in this world isn't very practical. He didn't quite get how anybody could be gay because he wasn't. But he didn't give me any shit about it. When I came out, he said "you sure?" and looked at me like I was nuts. But he already thought I was nuts because I'm such a wet blanket. He let it go after that.

Dad actually liked my fiancé. I think he really liked Dylan being a physician's assistant because he could ask all kinds of medical questions for free. Like I said, he was pragmatic. He also liked the fact that I finally chose a guy who wasn't a complete shithead for a change. He found my previous choices a little questionable. He wasn't the only one.

I know I need to try to get some sleep or I'm going to fall apart. I need to hold it together for Mom, and my sisters. I don't feel really sad right now, just numb. As a counselor I know how this goes. It will come in waves. Right now my mind is in denial.

Death isn't the end, it's just a transition. I'll see you again, Dad. Rest in peace.

Proud to have been your son, even if we didn't always see eye to eye.

Here come the tears.

Adam