HIM Wicked Game 2000 Version

I prefer the 1998 video version. It had a magical quality to it. This has an interesting little story line, but the mystical qualities are traded for a sleazy strip joint setting. Perhaps its a little too close to reality. I've never seen the appeal of strip clubs. 

Some people pointed out that the stripper is not particularly attractive in a conventional sense. She is older and somewhat haggard looking. I believe this is deliberate. The song, while possessing a beautiful melody and haunting lyrics, does not portray a particularly pretty side of love. It's about heartbreak and becoming jaded. 

~DJ Dolly~

Pierce the Veil: King For a Day

The Brain On Love

I have noticed that there is a huge difference between being with a man I can trust and being with my former partner, whom I couldn't trust at all. Dylan is always on my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. But I don't have to hold his image in my conscious mind constantly for fear that he might be gone if I don't visualize him all the time.

I don't wonder "does Dylan have some other guy over while I'm gone during the day?" I trust him and he trusts me. We aren't going to play games on each other. I had eight years of game playing, eight years of obsessing and pain, eight years of wondering, is Kent going to find someone better than me?

I knew he was looking for a piece of action on the side. I tried to pretend I was okay with that, but really I wasn't. He told me to "evolve," to not be a jealous bitch. I would have done anything to keep him. I did do anything--I compromised who I was and what I needed and wanted.

Finally, I was the one that told him to leave, even though it felt like someone had run a sword right through my heart. I cried on and off for eight straight hours after that. Sometimes it was just sniffling and soft, other times the tears gushed from me like a fountain. I did not date again for five years.

It's so different being with someone who has his shit together and knows what he wants. When Dylan says he's working, I know he's working. When he's spending time with his brother, I know he's actually with his brother, not off cruising bars for a piece. 

It's very true that you should never make someone your priority if you are only one of their options. I was the option that Kent figured he could come home to and I'd always be there waiting like a needy little boy. Don't let anyone do that to you.

With Dylan, I'm his foundation and he is mine. We can always depend on each other. We don't have to obsess on each other, because we have trust that's real.

Real love enhances happiness. Anything else is a lie. I lied to myself for eight years. Don't let lies destroy your chance at improving your life or prevent you from finding someone truly deserving of your love.

Love,

Adam

REM: Bang and Blame

If you could see yourself now, baby
It's not my fault

You used to be so in control

You're going to roll right over this one

Just roll me over, let me go

You're laying blame

Take this as no, no, no

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

Blame, blame, blame

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

 It's not my thing so let it go

 If you could see yourself now baby,

The tables have turned

The whole world hinges on your swings

Your secret life of indiscreet discretions

 I'd turn the screw and leave the screen,

Don't point your finger,

You know that's not my thing

You came to bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

Blame, blame, blame

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

It's not my thing so let it go, now

You've got a little worry,

I know it all too well,

 I've got your number,

 But so does every kiss-and-tell

Who dares to cross your threshold,

 Or happens on your way,

Stop laying blame

You know that's not my thing

You know that's not my thing,

You came to bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

Blame, blame, blame

 You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

It's not my thing so let it go

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

Blame, blame, blame

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

It's not my thing so let it go

You kiss on me, tug on me, rub on me, jump on me,

You bang on me, beat on me, hit on me, let go on me,

 You let go on me

 [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rem/

Fall of 92

Fall of 1992. I was 24 years old. I was in grad school and had gotten my drug use under control, but the self loathing hadn't resolved by a long shot. Obviously, or I never would have stayed with Kent as long as I did.

He seemed perfect, and I believed I didn't deserve perfection. I became a clinging vine. He was smart, handsome, sophisticated, everything I believed I wasn't. At first he seemed like the nicest guy in the world. That was before the verbal onslaught on our six month anniversary that left me in tears and nearly suicidal. I remember begging him for foregiveness. For what? For existing, really.

I remember dancing to this song with him and thinking I'd found true love. That was before all the verbal abuse started six months into the relationship, and the cheating started a week before our first anniversary. I ended up sticking with him for five years, believing that losing him meant losing everything. Instead, I lost myself. In spite of earning my masters' degree, I still felt like a complete failure.