The Brain On Love

I have noticed that there is a huge difference between being with a man I can trust and being with my former partner, whom I couldn't trust at all. Dylan is always on my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. But I don't have to hold his image in my conscious mind constantly for fear that he might be gone if I don't visualize him all the time.

I don't wonder "does Dylan have some other guy over while I'm gone during the day?" I trust him and he trusts me. We aren't going to play games on each other. I had eight years of game playing, eight years of obsessing and pain, eight years of wondering, is Kent going to find someone better than me?

I knew he was looking for a piece of action on the side. I tried to pretend I was okay with that, but really I wasn't. He told me to "evolve," to not be a jealous bitch. I would have done anything to keep him. I did do anything--I compromised who I was and what I needed and wanted.

Finally, I was the one that told him to leave, even though it felt like someone had run a sword right through my heart. I cried on and off for eight straight hours after that. Sometimes it was just sniffling and soft, other times the tears gushed from me like a fountain. I did not date again for five years.

It's so different being with someone who has his shit together and knows what he wants. When Dylan says he's working, I know he's working. When he's spending time with his brother, I know he's actually with his brother, not off cruising bars for a piece. 

It's very true that you should never make someone your priority if you are only one of their options. I was the option that Kent figured he could come home to and I'd always be there waiting like a needy little boy. Don't let anyone do that to you.

With Dylan, I'm his foundation and he is mine. We can always depend on each other. We don't have to obsess on each other, because we have trust that's real.

Real love enhances happiness. Anything else is a lie. I lied to myself for eight years. Don't let lies destroy your chance at improving your life or prevent you from finding someone truly deserving of your love.

Love,

Adam