Tired Of

Posted by The Anonymous Art of Revolution on Facebook.

I know this feeling very well. I've never been one of The Beautiful People. I'm an outcast. In the United States, I don't encounter much racism, because I'm white. But, I'm White Trash. I'm also one of THEM. You know, the crazies, the sickos, the mentally ill.

I'm one of THEM, but you probably wouldn't know it. I'm not likely to make the news, unless its the obituaries because my disease finally won. I won't make the news for shooting up a movie theatre like a selfish fucking jackass, or shooting up people from a clock tower like a stupid fucking sociopath with no consciense, or for committing serial murders like a twisted fucking shithead. 

I, like the majority of people with mental illness, am no more dangerous than the average person. I am in fact more likely to be a victim than to be a predator.

Physically, I'm in my mid forties. Emotionally, I'm not an adult. I can hold a job, but the conditions have to be right or I'll sink into a severe depressive state. I'm a "loser" with a menial job, because that's what I can handle. I have a fairly high I.Q., but I'll never be able to excel in the usual ways.

Love, romance, and sex are difficult areas for me to navigate, so I choose to avoid them. I tend to attract predators who don't give a shit if they hurt me as long as they get some pussy, and broken people who might not mean to hurt me but they will. People like drug addicts. If I'm attracted to a guy, it means he's just wrong, so it's better if I stay away.

The character John Coffey is a truly beautiful person, not a glamorous person. I think that Michael Clarke Duncan seemed like a beautiful person too in his way. I liked him. Shine on, Big Man!

Love,

Illsa