I Thought About You: Frank Sinatra

Dahlings, the incomparable Frankie will be taking me through tonight's write. Sometimes you just need swingin' horns and a voice smooth as silk!
~DJ Tempest~

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Con Alma Band

I love this amazing young voice, and this great selection from the elusive DJ Cheesy, whom I certainly hope will be writing a post for this year's VILE Awards segment at Undead in the Netherworld. (Hint, hint.)
You can follow the band on their Facebook page.
You can check out Cheesy's photoshop manipulations on her Deviant Art page.
You can follow my NaNoWriMo struggles as I wrestle with work count here.
Thank you, Dahlings!

XOXO,
DJ Tempest

Paul McCartney: I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself A Letter

Dahlings, tonight's suggestion comes from our DJ Dolly. I really think these musical prompts are helping me create a multi-dimensional novel for NaNoWriMo, so thank you so much!
A character who has behaved badly is going to sit down and think about what she's done and whether or not she can make amends.
Follow my progress on NaNoWriMo, if you wish!
XOXO,
DJ Tempest

Jameson Raid: Just as the Dust Had Settled

Hello Dahlings! Tonight's suggestion of forgotten but needs to be remembered old school metal comes to me from DJ Helena. It's time to me to get away from romantic relationships, plucky heroines, and social commentary for a moment and return to the battle as the seemingly doomed human kingdom faces a brutal onslaught from the Ogre King and his minions, both living and Undead. Cheers!

~DJ Tempest~

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Passenger: Things That Stop You Dreaming

Dahlings, my car is in the shop overnight. I should have it back tomorrow late afternoon. It needs serpentine belts, new back brake pads, new tires, oil change, and an alignment. 

The bad news is that all this will cost $1000. Tempest had to borrow money from her mommy, which is rather embarrassing. The good news is that none of these are major components, like when Tempest had to have the transmission replaced last spring and it ate up her entire tax return. Hopefully Tempest can get another 5 years out of this car, perhaps more. Tempest is looking at the possibility of leasing a vehicle in the future.

Tempest shan't be able to travel tonight as she had planned (25 mile trip to son's home) but at least there is food, and there is writing to be done and catching up on episodes of Gossip Girl via Netflix. Tempest and Company have decided that most of the characters on Gossip Girl are not actually all that evil or scheme-y, they're simply crazy (the definition of crazy being repeatedly doing the same things that have never worked and expecting them to work) and always turn to the Bad Idea Bears for advice.

"Guide us, oh wise bears!"

"My fuzzy minions! I just love the mirth you bring this old trickster God."

To any rate, Dahlings, at least for the nonce, Tempest will be sticking with the folk rock to inspire her writing today. Follow her at NaNoWriMo and here on KHEL 666 to see if she continues to refer to herself in third person!

XOXO, 

DJ Tempest

Ron Pope: A Drop In the Ocean

Hello friends, DJ Helena suggested this beautiful and sad song for inspiring my NaNo writing here in the wee hours. I chose the version with the scene from the good ole Vampire Diaries, which is a favorite among our Undead in the Netherworld/KHEL 666 Krew!

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I was contemplating creating a romantic relationship or proto-romance between two of my characters. As I wrote, I decided to challenge myself by creating a romance between two of the female characters who seemed to be drawing close.

It's easy for me as a straight person to write a straight romance, and I also find it relatively easy to write an authentic romance between two male characters. I wanted to write a romance between two female characters which seemed true and respectful and did not become some sort of lurid lezsploitation scene for the straight male gaze as such scenarios unfortunately so often seem to.

Given the challenges that homosexuals, both male and female, still face even in modern times, I thought it seemed realistic that at some point one or both of the characters would face difficulty acknowledging her true feelings. This song expresses that. Will they be able to resolve their problems? I'll admit that I'm a soft touch, but sometimes it seems more in keeping with the personalities of the characters for heartache to be the end result. We shall see!

XOXO,

DJ Tempest

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Never Shout Never: Over the Years

I decided that I wanted to switch gears from the doom/death/stoner metal that has been my aural fodder while working on my NaNoNovel. DJ Opal suggested that I check out this young band from Joplin, Missouri. I am favorably impressed. I am sensing that a rescue and a romance are in order for a couple of my characters.
~DJ Tempest~

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http://nanowrimo.org/participants/tempestletrope

Dozer: Through the Eyes of Heathens

Great stoner metal from Sweden with Dozer, as the Ogre King's quest continues.
Follow my quest to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Hopefully at least some of it won't be a steaming pile!
~DJ Tempest~

Pavor: A Pale Debilitating Autumn

Listening to this fine tune while working on my NaNoWriMon novel, The Doomed Kingdom. Thanks to DJ Dolly for the recommendation!
~DJ Tempest~

How I Almost Quit With Just 500 Words to Go

I did it.

But I almost didn't do it.

And I only had 500 words to go.

Why would I fold with that few words left?

Let's just say that I had a bit of a nervous breakdown on the home stretch.

My novel did not start out smoothly. I really had no idea what I wanted to write about.

I decided to write about the lunar aspect of H.P. Lovecraft's dreamlands after being cued by Bon Scott to think about the title to one of my favorite AC/DC songs, "What's Next To the Moon."

Really, I did. I don't care if you believe me or not. I'm telling the tale as it happened. If you choose to believe that this is merely my own perception or delusion, fine. I refuse to debate it. I can't prove that it happened. Conversely, no-one else can prove that it didn't.

Let's move on.

The story seemed very "piecey" at first. It seemed more like a bunch of short stories than a cohesive novel. It didn't start to gel until about halfway through the month. 

It also started to get really personal towards the end. Particularly on the last day. There was a convergence of sorts, and it opened some old wounds.

I had been turned on to the series "The Vampire Diaries" by my writing sister Tempest LeTrope and Mister Sister Adam Everhard. It becomes obvious that uncontrolled vampirism (the "Ripper" mode) is a metaphor for drug abuse. There are parts of the third season that are really hard to watch. Not because of the violence or "horror" aspect, but because certain of the character Stefan's behaviors reminded me of what I went through with my husband.

In the last segment that I watched, Elena (Stefan's girlfriend) says to Damon (Stefan's brother) that they may have to let Stefan go.

That is what I had to do with my husband. 

It isn't just the aspect of watching someone you love destroy themselves. Not every addict is abusive, but with the inhibitions blurred by consciousness-altering substances, anyone has greater potential to become abusive, either verbally or physically.

My husband mostly became verbally abusive. 

In the seven years that we were married, he got physical with me a total of nine times. He never beat me, and I was never particularly afraid of him. His physical abuses tended to take the form of slaps or pushing.

The verbal abuse was another story.

When my husband was doing heroin (he did cocaine as well, but less often) he became a different person. He thought that he was invincible and thought that he had been blessed with special gifts. He was a talented artist, but his real motivation was his next high.

When I met him way back in junior high, he was one of the cool kids. I wasn't terribly popular, but I garnered at least fake acceptance from the "cool" crowd when he brought me into the circle. He was a good-looking guy with dark hair and dark eyes. He always had a mischievous smile. I thought he was cute, but I was already crushing on someone else.

Our friendship turned to romance in our sophomore year in high school. Everyone thought we'd be the couple to beat the odds.

At that point, he was only smoking pot and drinking at weekend parties. So was everyone else, me included. I didn't see any kind of problem.

He joined the Army right after high school. It was the mid 1980's, a peacetime setting, so I wasn't worried. He wanted to learn a skill, to get some money together for college. It made perfect sense. He did his four years and came home, and we got married. 

At first, everything was great. A little over a year after we married, I was pregnant with our daughter. There started to be signs of trouble. He stayed late after work a lot and came home smashed. Initially I suspected that he might be cheating. I guess I could say that he was, but not with a woman at this point. The women would come later.

When I found out about the heroin, I demanded that he give it up. He did for a time, after our daughter was born. She was eight months old when I got pregnant with our son. Once again he started shooting up. He claimed he was only smoking pot, but I knew better. There was yelling, throwing of dishes, lots of crying on my part. He started calling me names, telling me that I was holding him down, being the "bitchy wife."

We had been married three and a half years and had two kids when he started fooling around with other women.

I tried to hold things together, tried to believe that he could kick the drugs, tried to believe that if I just loved him enough, I'd be able to bring him back from the edge.

In the end, I made the decision to walk away.

I told him that he couldn't see the kids until he got clean and stayed clean. He got mad and called me an evil, fat bitch. He said he didn't know how he could ever have been so desperate as to have sex with me. He said it to hurt me, but it did cause me to lapse into bulimic behavior, which I struggled with on and off for the next six years.

He would stay clean for periods of time but always eventually relapse into his old habits. I never let him have the kids overnight. When he was clean, I trusted him to take them to or pick them up from school.

I dated for a little while after my marriage ended, but always managed to pick guys that were far from ideal to bring around my kids. One turned out to be scary enough that I almost considered getting a restraining order. Luckily, he moved out of state.

I stopped dating fifteen years ago and see no reason to resume, even though my kids are adults now. I hate it when people tell me "not to give up" because the "right guy" could be around the next corner.

He's not.

So, to wrap things up...

The little experiment that started as a frustrating hodge-podge turned into a massive emotional bleed-out at the end, and I almost cashed in my chips.

I've decided that I'm actually going to try and organize the story into something cohesive. It does have potential.

I listened to a lot of HIM while I was writing the story. I also listened to AC/DC, of course. I listened to Morcheeba, and Korn, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Loreena McKennitt, Enigma...

I want to share the HIM album Love Metal. Because yes, I do. It's gotten me through a lot of really tough times.

Thanks for letting me Bogart the Blog, Sisters and Misters. We will return you to your regularly scheduled insanity tomorrow!

Love,

Sister Helena

(Cross-posted to Undead in the Netherworld)

HIM Playlist

Here's a playlist from HIM to get me in the mood to start my NaNoWriMo pursuit.

Damn, Ville Valo is fine!

Don't tell anyone I was that shallow.

NaNoWriMo 2012

I'M DOING IT!